Tales From the Terran Republic

As the morning light shone, bacon sizzled, eggs were scrambled…

...and batter was poured onto a hot skillet.

She smiled as she watched the pancake, carefully waiting for just the right time to slide her spatula under it and give it a flip.

Soon, it was on a stack with many others.

She smiled again, thinking of the evening she had shared as her hand traced the line of her skin created by her open shirt.

A quiet beep pulled her back into reality as the coffee maker proudly announced that it had completed its task.

There was movement behind her, and she turned as Evan stepped into the kitchen clad only in boxer briefs, his skin a patchwork of scars and vintage holographic and ultrablack tattoos, including a magnificent black cat full back tattoo with the words "London IV" underneath.

"Good morning," Doreen smiled as he walked over and embraced her from behind, one of his hands slipping under her shirt.

"Fresh eggs, rashers of real bacon..." Evan purred, "...actual butter?"

"One of the perks of 'squatting in the wilderness'," Doreen smiled as his hand caressed her breast, "and don't get your hopes up. That's goat butter."

"Even better," Evan replied as his other hand slid downward, "Was cow's milk always so bland?"

"Get off of me, or you won't get any breakfast at all," Doreen fake grumbled as she reluctantly and halfheartedly shrugged him off. "Go and pour us some coffee."

She looked back, admiring the view.

"And put some clothes on, for fuck's sake," she laughed. "My idiot apprentice is due back any minute."

"You always walk around in your panties in front of the help?" Evan snickered as he brought her a mug.

"Don't make me hurt you," Doreen replied as she raised the mug to her lips, her eyes sparkling.

***

As the sun hit his face, Jeruzz awoke to find himself wrapped around Syd's naked body…

...and her looking down at him, smiling.

"Good morning," she said as she gently booped him on the nose.

"Hi there," he said back as he booped her nose back and started to uncoil from around her.

"Not yet," she said as she reached for him, "Let's just lay like this for a bit."

"Thure!" Jeruzz said happily as he hugged her with his entire body.

"Sorry we didn't get around to watching any movies," Syd said as she hugged him.

"Iths okay," he smiled. "We can wath them nexth thime!"

"Is there going to be a next time?" Syd asked as she suddenly stiffened, "Please don't lie to me. If you've gotten what you wanted, it's okay. Just please don't lie and say you're coming back when you're not… please." Ꞧä₦ȫ฿Ęᶊ

Jeruzz looked at her in absolute confusion.

"Have I done thomething that makes you think I donth wanth tho come back?" he asked, "If I did, I'm thorry. I didn'th meen ith. I thoughth we were friendsth."

Syd pulled away and sat on the side of the bed with her back to Jeruzz as he hastily untangled himself from her.

She buried her face in her hands.

"I'm thorry!" Jeruzz squeaked, "I didn'th meen tho make you thad… Wath did I dooo?"

"It's not…" Syd said, trying not to cry. "It's not… Fuck…”

She took a deep breath and turned to Jeruzz, smiling weakly.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she replied, trying to smile.

She looked down.

"I… God..." she muttered.

Jeruzz looked at her, not knowing what to do.

After a few moments, he decided that he simply had to do something, so he carefully slithered over and put his head in her lap.

"I donth know why you are thad," he said, "but I donth like you being thad."

He looked up at her with big eyes.

"Thop ith," he said. "I have no idea wath is happening buth..."

He carefully wrapped himself around her. Syd didn't resist.

"… I like you, Thid," he said, "I didn'th know wath we were doing… ath firsth… but… I mighth be a dummy buth I'm noth thupid. We had a wonderful nighth… thomething I would have never done if I didn'th reeely like you… a lot. Of course I'll thay with you… and our thids..."

"Our what?!?"

"Our thids," Jeruzz said smiling up at her as he booped her belly. "We had thexth, right? That means thath we mighth have thids."

Syd started laughing despite herself and pulled Jeruzz's head up and hugged it.

"You would stick around even if I got pregnant?"

Jeruzz looked at her as if she had asked the dumbest question ever.

"I wouldn't have done ith if I wouldnth!" he exclaimed, "Justh whath sorth of Keth do you think I am?!?"

"The most wonderful one in the universe!" Syd exclaimed as she kissed his nose. "Thank you."

"For whath?" Jeruzz asked, completely bewildered.

"Being you," Syd said as she hugged him.

She looked at him and wiped her eyes.

"You don't have to worry about kids, though," she smiled, "There is no way that could possibly happen, and I'm on fertility blockers anyhow."

"Buth, we had thexth," Jeruzz replied in confusion, "I put it in and everything!"

Syd stroked his head.

"I'll explain while I make us some pop tarts..."

***

Jeruzz munched away happily.

"You like them?" Syd asked hopefully, "I wasn't expecting… um… guests..."

"Pop Tharth are delithous!" Jeruzz exclaimed as he picked up another toasty warm bit with his stubby but quite functional tongue. "I loveth them!"

He expertly sipped a mug of instacaff with his tail. His tail was a lot stronger than it used to be.

"Um..." Syd said nervously, "I'm sorry if I got a little weird there. I… I'm not clingy! I swear I'm not! It's just that…"

She looked down.

"Everybody leaves me," she said quietly, "Even when they say they won't..."

Jeruzz set down his cup and reached out with his tail, gently guiding Syd's head back up.

"I'm noth everybody," Jeruzz said as he looked into her eyes. "We're friendsth… more than friendsth. We're loverth. I donth tossth thosth athide… Becausthe I mighth be dumb, I'm not thupid and ith would thupid to loothe you, Thid."

Syd beamed at him.

"I am going to have tho go back tho work though," Jeruzz said carefully, "I have a reeel opporthunithy with Doreen, the biggesth of my lifeth! I have my family to..."

"Oh, I know," Syd replied, still beaming with happiness. "I'm not 'thupid' either," she added with a giggle. "But you do get days off, right?"

Jeruzz nodded.

"And you have a phone?"

Jeruzz nodded again.

"And now you have a girlfriend!"

Syd's eyes widened.

"Um… I mean… You have a friend… with benefits… I didn't mean that..."

"I have a girlfriend," Jeruzz said as he wrapped his tail around her hand fondly, "You thaid tho. No thake backs."

Syd blushed and giggled.

***

"Why the fuck should I care if you take a couple of more days off?" Doreen chuckled into her phone, "How you spend your disability time is none of my concern. You don't work for me… yet... So you actually have a girlfriend now?"

Doreen winced.

"I don't need details! I'll just take your word for it… heh… I just have to ask, though… this girlfriend… has she asked you for money or anything?… No… Buying pizza is fine… I just wanted to make sure she wasn't taking advantage of you or anything… Hey, you're a grown Keth, or at least I think you are… You do you, buddy… Okay… Have fun… Hey! Could you give me a call at least once a day, so I know you are fine and not lying in a ditch somewhere?… It's a figure of speech! It means… (sigh)… Just check in every day, so I don't worry, alright?… Thanks… And… I'm happy for you, little dude… I hope that girl knows how lucky she is… (laughs)… Bye…. (sigh)… Bye… Bye…”

She hung up and looked over at a highly amused Evan.

"So the little snake actually got lucky?" He asked.

"So it seems," Doreen snickered as she shook her head. "I stopped him before he went into detail, but from what I heard in the background, the young lady in question certainly agreed."

"Oh dear," Evan chuckled. "I couldn't help but overhear that your apprentice will be away for at least another day?" he asked as he looked at Doreen meaningfully.

"That he is..." she replied, her eyes sparkling.

***

Several days later…

In a crowded bazaar near the Nile, Kaluu sat in a high-walled basket, playing a Keth flute and dancing a traditional Keth stationary dance surrounded by intricately carved and painted cups, teapots, plates, and other various goods, all done with a definite regional and "human" feel…

...or she was when she started the day. Now, she was mostly sold out, just like every market day.

She smiled at the onlookers watching a snake "charm itself" (humans were easily entertained), and the lid of her basket was steadily filling with nearly empty prepaid cards that people would toss to buskers like her. The more generous of them would use the transactor she had set up as well.

She stopped playing and smiled at a child who was staring at her, completely fascinated.

"What would you like me to play?" She asked.

"You talk?" the child asked, completely amazed.

"Only to those who have the power to hear me," she replied with a smile as the small crowd laughed. "Any requests?"

The child was too shocked to reply.

"O Fortuna!" someone yelled.

"I've played that a dozen times already!" Kaluu protested. "Fine… One more time..."

She started to play…

After she finished the song, a well-dressed olive-skinned man walked up and waved a card over her transactor.

100 cr. appeared on the display.

"Thank you!" she beamed up at him.

"You seem to be a Keth of many talents," the man said in a posh British accent, "My name is Evan."

"I like to keep more than one gebz… sorry… worm on the hook," Kaluu smiled. "Can I play you anything, or maybe you would like to take a look at something?"

"Actually," Evan replied, "I would like for you to come to work for me."

"Nope."

"Excuse me?" Evan asked, a bit surprised.

"I said, 'nope'," Kaluu replied, "It is an informal way of saying, 'no', which indicates a negative response. In this particular instance, it means, 'No, I am not interested in working for you.'"

"Aren't you at least interested in hearing..."

"Nope," Kaluu replied. "Thanks for the tip, and have a lovely day."

"I'm offering a very real..."

"You are offering a very real probability of screwing a xeno over," Kaluu replied, smiling up at him pleasantly. "Look, I'm just a Keth. I don't have my certificate and am nowhere near smart enough to get it… ever. I'm also not smart enough to find all of the traps and tricky trick tricks in one of your contracts which I am not signing. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."

Evan sighed.

"I'm certain that you might have had… less than pleasant… dealings with humans before..."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Kaluu replied cheerfully. "Is it the fact that I am not jumping out of my basket to work in a sweatshop again?"

"I can assure you that I am not representing a sweatshop."

"Then you are representing something worse," Kaluu smiled. "I've had quite enough 'offers' and 'deals of a lifetime' for a lifetime. No, thank you. Now please buy something or leave."

Evan selected a lovely teapot and paid for his purchase.

As Kaluu wrapped it and put it in a box, Evan pulled out his tablet and inserted a crystal.

He offered it to Kaluu as he accepted his teapot.

"What's this?" Kaluu asked as she eyed the crystal.

"Perhaps you could just review what I am offering?" he asked politely.

Kaluu sighed a little.

"We Keth are a 'nice' people," she said, "and sometimes races like you Terrans confuse that with something else. When a Keth says 'No, thank you very much. I'm not interested.' what they actually mean is..."

She inhaled a little.

"Get fucked," she said, trembling a bit.

"I see," Evan replied as he nodded politely. "Good day."

"You have a good day too!" Kaluu replied cheerfully. "When Keth say something like that, they mean it! Have a great day… somewhere else."

Chuckling, Evan nodded and disappeared into the crowd.

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