Tales From the Terran Republic

“Not bad,” Doreen smiled.

“Reeely?!?” Jeruzz exclaimed, completely shocked. “I did ith righth?”

Doreen carefully examined the beautifully stained and polished rifle stock.

“You might be a menace with a power tool,” Doreen said, “But you are an artist with a rag.”

She gave him a headpat, filling Jeruzz with joy.

“Maybe tomorrow I’ll trust you with a piece of sandpaper,” she laughed.

“Do you havf another sthock for mee?”

“Nope,” Doreen replied. “I’m calling it a day. We’ve finished this one, and I don’t feel like starting a new project.”

“Okay,” Jeruzz replied, slightly disappointed. He had been having fun.

“I’m gonna head into town for a bit,” Doreen said as she started putting away her tools. “get some coffee, grab some groceries, that sort of thing,” she said. “Want to come along?”

Jeruzz thought about it a little.

“Ith’s a reely nice day,” he said. “I think I’ll go down to the river and look for prethy rockths.”

“Okay,” Doreen shrugged, “Have fun.”

***

Jeruzz, a small bucket sitting beside him, waved goodbye as Doreen drove her old electric truck down the gravel path leading away from her cabin.

He sighed happily as he bathed in the warm sunlight.

He loved it here…

…and he was learning so much!… And helping!… Actually helping!…

Doreen said so!…

...And he believed her!

He was getting really good at staining wood and oiling metal and polishing stuff!

He loved polishing! It was so much fun! He could spend all day polishing!

Doreen said that he really helped with the ‘grunt work’. He wasn’t exactly sure what a grunt was, but he was happy to work it!

The best part was that Doreen was already talking about keeping him around after his disability!

She actually wanted him! He couldn’t believe it! She wasn’t feeling sorry for him because Doreen didn’t feel sorry for anybody! She said so!

She actually said it!

Feeling warm and happy inside, Jeruzz picked up his rock pail with his mouth and, head held high, started slithering towards the river.

He was going to find the perfect rock and make a present for Doreen!

She was going to be so happy!

***

“So how’s that xeno working out,” Vaughn asked her as he poured her a cup of coffee at the cafe he and his granddaughter ran.

“Jeruzz?” Doreen asked, “A slithering disaster area, that one! But I like him. He’s a good guy.”

“Is it true he looks just like a snake?” Holly asked.

“Yep,” Doreen replied. “Looks just like a green python with a big head… pity it isn’t just a little bigger,” she added with a laugh.

Doreen chuckled as she sipped her coffee.

“Neat!” Holly exclaimed.

“They say he has a long tongue with dozens of forks that he uses as a hand,” Doreen said, “but it got ripped out, so I haven’t seen that yet. They say it grows back.”

“Exactly how long is it?” Holly asked wickedly.

“Holly!” Doreen and Vaughn shouted in unison as Holly laughed.

“I was just wondering how good his reach was, that’s all,” she said, feigning innocence.

“If he can’t keep it in his damn head, it doesn’t matter how long his ‘reach’ is,” Doreen smirked.

They all looked up as a local couple walked in and cheerfully greeted them.

“Seen any eagles yet?” Vaughn asked as Holly took the local couple’s order.

“Eagles?” Doreen asked.

“Yeah,” Vaughn replied, “They released some golden eagles from Alaska in the area last week. Ollie said he saw a big one, and he’s just down the river from you.”

“I haven’t seen it yet,” Doreen said as she took another sip, “Looking forward to it, though.”

She smiled…

… then she stopped smiling.

“Oh shit!” she exclaimed and sprinted for the door.

***

Humming happily, Jeruzz slithered along the river, sometimes on the bank, sometimes swimming.

“Prethy rockths,” he sang happily, “Prethy rockths…”

He loved river-worn stones.

He examined one carefully, admiring its smooth surface. It was good, but not good enough for Doreen. He needed the perfect one.

“An agathe?” he asked aloud.

It was!

Burbling happily, he snapped it up and dropped it into the bucket.

He admired his treasures, four nice jaspers and now an agate! They were really nice but what he needed was a nice smooth dark river rock as perfectly round and flat as he could find.

Spying a promising area, he slithered on.

***

High above, an eagle soared.

It was annoyed. Those troublesome tall ones had shoved it in a strange thing he couldn’t escape, and now he was here, far from home, and not terribly happy about it.

However, there were more of his kind, but not too many, and prey abounded.

He was starting to think that it wasn’t so bad around here.

His eyes saw movement near the river below, a nice plump-looking snake, a big one too!

He could go for some snake right about now.

With a feral joy starting to build, he began his dive…

***

Jeruzz set down his pail and gasped.

He found his rock!

Extending his neck, he reached for it…

***

The ground rushed up, as it always did, as the eagle picked the perfect angle for attack, as he always did…

The snake was unaware of his approach like they always were.

He pulled up just before he hit the ground and leveled out just before the target like he always did…

...He extended his talons, aiming for just behind the head, just like he always did…

...The snake let out a strange scream as it tried to dodge. That was unusual, but it was too late. The eagle’s talons struck the gravel just beside it, but with a quick and well-practiced movement, they closed tightly around the screaming snake’s throat…

...just like they always did…

...The eagle opened his beak and leaned for the first rending bite…

…just like he always did…

There was a blur of movement above and behind him!

He started to turn his head as his world exploded in pain. The golden eagle turned and looked, uncomprehendingly, as a large rock held by the snake’s tail swung downward again.

He tried to leap away only to feel a stinging pain at his throat. He tried to tear at the snake, but he was suddenly unable to move as the snake wrapped around it time and time again.

The eagle screamed with fear and outrage as he fell, helpless, to the stones…

...as a Keth took its prey…

...as they always did…

After the killbrb, their mortal enemy, stopped moving, the Keth let out a long satisfied hiss of satisfaction as it unwound a few of its coils and grabbed another rock. It smashed it a few times in the head just to be sure and then fully uncoiled itself.

It stretched back and forth a few times. It hurt. It let out a low hiss as it pondered things.

It wasn’t hurt too bad. A nice meal, a little mud, and it wouldn’t be a concern.

It unhinged its jaws appraisingly.

It wouldn’t fit.

Also, not a concern.

It reached for a good heavy stone…

***

“Jeruzz!” Doreen yelled as she ran towards the river.

Thwack

Sprinting towards the strange wet sound, she froze in terror as she saw an eagle hunched over a bright… green… snake…

Then she saw Jeruzz’s head wrapped around a large rock rise up, which he slammed down upon the eagle with a...

Thwack

“Jeruzz!” she yelled as she ran towards him.

Jeruzz let out an angry hiss.

“Mine!” he hissed.

Doreen looked down at the mangled bird of prey.

She drew her knife.

“You know what this is, or are you too far gone?”

“...Knifeth...”

“Would you like to borrow it?”

“...Yesth pleaseth...”

***

Jeruzz awoke in his bed, sore from head to tail.

He looked down at his still grossly distended body.

What the heck did I eat this time? he wondered as he tried to piece together exactly what the heck happened.

He did a little snek shrug.

There was an uncomfortable tugging sensation near his head. He tried to reach it with his tail, but he was too stuffed.

It didn’t matter, he thought. He was just too happy and full to care.

Whatever was in his belly was nice, and he felt nice.

With a smile, he closed his eyes.

***

Several days later, Jeruzz slithered blearily into the shop. “The mighty hunter approaches!” Doreen chuckled as she looked up from her drill press.

“Hi,” Jeruzz replied sheepishly. “How long?”

“One week, three days,” Doreen replied as she carefully drilled a part. “You were really stuffed.”

“What… what was it?” Jeruzz asked, still a bit groggy.

“You are NOT going to believe this!” Doreen grinned…

***

Jeruzz let out a long squeak.

“I ath one of thoseth?!?” he squealed as he looked at a life-sized hologram.

“I watched you do it,” Doreen laughed. “You were smashing it with a rock trying to make a bird Slurpee when I walked up, so I lent you my knife. You then hacked it into chunks and gulped them down, even the wings.”

Jeruzz just sat there, jaw open.

“I wasn’t sure if you could get it all down, but you did, even the beak!”

“...How?!?”

“Oh, they cut up pretty easy,” Doreen grinned. “As far as how you managed to kill it goes, I have no idea. Oh, don’t worry about the Department of Wildlife. This was clearly self-defense. They also already scanned the RFID, which you wouldn’t let me take, by the way, so when it… shows up… you can just flush it. Don’t worry, they’re non-toxic.”

Jeruzz just sat there, jaw agape.

“How?...”

“You tell me,” Doreen shrugged, “Hey, you look a little groggy. You sure you are good to work? The gun on the table is worth a good fifteen grand, and I don’t want you fucking it up.”

“If ith’s okay,” Jeruzz said after a moment, “I’d like tho hang outh on the porch a bith.”

“Suit yourself.”

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