Tales From the Terran Republic

Inside the cargo mover, a young woman stood up after squatting over her companion.

"Well, that was interesting," she said. "Is this one of those kinks you were keeping secret until we were married?"

"Ugh, absolutely not!" the young man laughed as he started collecting grit from the cargo mover's floor and sliding it under the urine-soaked slave collar. "Once the grit and piss start to bite..."

"They will have to take it off to treat the sores," the woman smiled. "For a fucking idiot, you are pretty smart sometimes."

"They just paid big bucks for us… I hope," the guy replied. "They aren't just going to let our heads rot off. They might only take the collar off for a minute, but a minute will be all I need," he said with a vicious smile. "Did you see those earthworms? I bet I could rip one in half."

"Don't assume anything," the woman replied.

"Well, I assume that I'm pissed slap the fuck off," the guy growled. "And, statistically speaking, we are humans. We can take most species hand to hand."

"Speaking of piss," the woman replied. "I can't believe I'm saying this..." She pulled her collar a bit to the side.

"You are going to need backup. At least it will look like a species sensitivity to the collars or something."

"Get it in my face, and I'll twist it off," the woman snarled.

***

"And they are really smart!" Beep exclaimed happily, "They all go to school, real school, for years, and they're some of the best schools in the entire galaxy. All of them know physics, engineering, electronics… calculus..."

"What the fuck is calculus?"

"I have no idea!" Beep fluted, "That's how good it is! Ooo! I bet they could teach us all sorts of stuff!"

"Well..." Ghtpt mused, "It would be nice to get some brains around the place... We lost so much of that..."

"Yeah," Beep said sadly, "And they are supposed to be really strong too!" Beep continued enthusiastically as he brightened up almost instantly, "and can work forever… and don't get me started about their warriors. All of them are fearsome, even the civilians. Their average civilian is better trained than most civilization's warriors! We definitely need more security."

Ghtpt looked up in alarm.

"Do you mean to tell me that we have two trained warriors in there?!?"

"Don't worry," Beep said with a flutter of his tail feathers, "they have stun collars, and we have this!"

He pointed at several large bales of plant material.

"The slavers told me that they were escaped slaves already, and this is their slave dust." they stole a bunch of it when they escaped. "Between those collars and this, they won't hurt us. We have enough of this to keep them compliant for a long time, long enough to be able to replicate it. Maybe we will be lucky and find some seeds in there!"

***

" You asshole!" the woman shouted as she wiped her face.

"We hit a bump!" the guy said defensively.

"You're going to pay for that," the woman said as she rubbed grit under her collar. They rode in silence for a while.

"Smart move, convincing them that our stash was slave dust," the guy said, trying to change the subject.

The woman grinned.

"It was, wasn't it?" she said with smug satisfaction, "You lost our ship, but I managed to save the ganj."

"I wasn't the only person in that ship, you know," the guy said, "you were sitting right there when I entered the coordinates. We lost our ship."

"Well, it was your idea that..."

The guy just sighed and let the words flow over him. Besides, she was right. Eloping and heading to the Asscrack was his idea. It was the only place their families wouldn't find them.

"...and it was your idea that we..."

He sighed again.

"Yes, dear," he said in a classic hangdog defeated tone as he grinned at her.

The young woman burst into laughter and punched him in the arm. He made his point. Bitching about this wasn't going to get them out of this mess, would it?

"I wonder how nice our new ship is going to be," she said wickedly. "And once we take it, we go to the Empire like I wanted to. I hear if we stay away from human worlds, we can probably find a place that will take us in, or we can run cargoes or something."

"Yes, dear."

"Goddamn right!" she said as she rubbed her neck.

***

"You are going to love it here!" Beep said to the two humans as he escorted them through a large cargo ship.

Ghtpt followed a safe distance behind, clutching the remote to their collars.

"I know we haven't met under the best of conditions," Beep continued, "but soon we will be the best of friends!"

The humans smiled at him, causing Ghtpt to put his finger over the stun button.

"It's ok!" Beep exclaimed in alarm, "It's how their race smiles! They are just being friendly!"

"It doesn't look friendly!" (It wasn't)

"It is! I know all about humans!" Beep enthused to the pair, "Which tribe of humans are you from?"

"Tribe?" the woman said cautiously, "We aren't from any tribe. We are just Porkies."

"That means they are from the Federation!" Beep exclaimed happily to Ghtpt. "They have slaves there. They call it something different, but it's the same thing."

Beep looked up at the two humans.

"It must be awful to have escaped only to be caught again, huh?"

"You are making this a LOT easier," the woman smiled pleasantly.

"Oh, I hope so," Beep said cheerfully, "I want your transition to be as pleasant as possible! You'll love it here! You'll see."

"I'm sure we will be right at home in no time," the young man smiled. "This is a big ship, huh?"

"And it's really nice too!" Beep exclaimed happily.

"Is it?" the woman smiled.

"I'm SO excited to have been able to get humans!" Beep exclaimed. "I'm a huge fan! I know all about you from the hypernet! Do you like Naruto? My favorite character is Sakura!"

"Of course, she is," the woman smiled.

"Do either of you know ninjutsu?"

The woman laughed.

"No, we don't know ninjutsu. I hate to break it to you, but all martial arts are just for show. They aren't actually real. It's just for the holovids."

"But what about what we saw on the news where your soldiers can put their fists clean through an enemy's skull?"

"Say what now?!?" Ghtpt fluted in alarm.

"Oh, they all have bionics or power armor and have been surgically altered and are on all sorts of combat drugs. No normal human can just reach out and… rip someone's throat out or something like that."

"Yeah," the guy added, "us normal humans can't do any of that stuff."

"Oh," Beep said, somewhat disappointed. "But you do go to years of school, right?"

"That we do," the guy said.

"Oh, good!" Beep exclaimed with relief, "But… I thought you guys were taught all sorts of military stuff in school."

"That's just the Terrans," the woman said, "We Porkies don't learn nearly as much. It's basically just PE with some marching thrown in for tradition."

"PE?" Beep asked curiously.

"We are forced to exercise in school for some reason," the woman replied, "They say it's for health reasons, but the real reason is because our parents were forced to do it. We aren't taught how to make improvised weapons, bombs, and how to kill with our bare hands on a wide range of xeno body types or anything like that. That's just the Terrans, and most of that is just hype. I mean, how much can you teach a little kid?"

"Sorry to say we are completely harmless," The young man said with a friendly smile.

"That's ok," Beep chirped, "So are we! None of us are military."

"Do tell," the young man said with a smile.

***

After a rather long walk, the group arrived at a hatch.

"Well, this will be your room, at least for now," Beep said happily as he opened the hatch revealing an empty cell with a pile of what looked like empty sacks on the floor.

"That's your bedding!" Beep said happily, "They are really soft, and we made sure to give you a lot of them!"

"How nice," the woman said caustically.

"I'm sorry to say we are going to have to keep you in here for a little while until you calm down," Beep said, "Most new acquisitions can be a bit angry or scared when they first arrive. Once you get used to things, we will get you moved in with the rest of the gang! I'm Beep, by the way! I'll be your 'newcomer buddy' and help you get settled!"

"I'm Grace," the woman replied, extending her hand.

"Ooo!" Beep exclaimed, "I know this one from your shows!"

He extended one of his manipulators.

"Heh… ow..." he said as Grace seized his little mit in a vice-like grip and jerked his arm up and down.

"Oh, sorry!" Grace said as she smiled with satisfaction. They definitely had the edge where strength was concerned.

"And I'm Alan," the man said as he extended his hand.

Beep reluctantly extended one of his other appendages, one that wasn't bruised, and was pleasantly surprised when Alan shook his hand much more gently. They already had the data they wanted.

"You consume water, right?"

"Yes," Alan replied, "And we are starving. May we please have some food?"

"And we are overdue for our 'dose'," Grace added. "I'm starting to hurt."

"Oh!" Beep exclaimed, his ring of beady little eyes shining with sympathy. "I am SO sorry that was done to you. I will get you some food appropriate for your species and your… um… your stuff right away."

He closed and firmly locked the door behind him.

The pair wasted no time searching every inch of the cell.

"I don't see any sensors," Grace said as she searched the walls and ceiling.

"or bugs..." Alan added, "Wait! There's one!" he exclaimed, pointing at a very familiar hyper-roach scuttling out of the bedding.

"Ha!" Grace laughed as she pounced on the roach and stuffed it into her mouth, crunching it between her teeth, causing Alan to nearly dry heave.

"What?" Grace grinned as she opened her mouth to reveal bug guts. "I'm hungry."

Alan winced and looked away as Grace laughed.

"Why did I have to fall in love with a fucking animal?" he groaned.

"Because I'm a freak in the sheets?" Grace asked between crunches (it takes several to get a hyper-roach down) "… or sacks… I wonder if there are any more in there," she said as she started inspecting their bedding.

She held up one of the "potato sacks".

"Well, Earthworm Jim was right," she said, "these things are soft, clean too," she added as she started trying to wrap a couple around her.

"They are comfy," Alan agreed as he wrapped one around his waist in a crude loincloth.

***

"What are you doing in here," another "earthworm" snapped as Beep entered the galley.

"Getting some food for our new arrivals," Beep replied.

"They can wait just like everyone else," the cook snapped as he monitored several display screens controlling a number of vats. "I heard you got some freaks or something. Give me their info and get lost!"

"Oh, you really don't want humans to get hungry," Beep replied, "It's a bad idea."

"Why?" the cook demanded.

"Well..." Beep said reluctantly.

"You gotta be fucking KIDDING me!!!" echoed down the corridor a few moments later.

***

Not too much longer, Alan and Grace looked up from the nest they had made out of the bedding as the door opened.

Beep walked in, pushing a small cart with two large containers and a small cup filled with premium marijuana (the good shit).

"Sorry about the wait!" Beep exclaimed with excitement (real live humans!!! This was so neat!!!)

"I didn't know how much you eat, so I hope this is enough," he said as he handed them a two liter sized plastic tub filled with a grey paste and another one filled with water.

"I also didn't know what utensils you use to… oh..." he trailed off as Grace and Alan attacked the tub scooping up the paste with their hands and wolfing it down while they took turns gulping from the water tub. (They were really hungry.)

"Do you like it?" Beep asked hopefully.

"Tastes like shit," Alan said between gulps, "But hunger is the best sauce."

"Is that a human expression?" Beep asked.

"A human said it," Grace replied, her face smeared with carbo paste.

"Well, we will get the palatability better, I'm sure," Beep replied, "I just didn't want humans to go hungry."

"Oh God, that's reached even this far out?" Alan asked with annoyance, "We don't do that anymore," he said as he evaluated Beep's fleshy muscular rings. "Well, most of us don't."

"Yeah," Grace added with a wicked smile, "Only the worst of the criminal families ever did that sort of thing, and these days it almost never happens."

Grace and Alan looked at each other and smiled, baring their teeth.

"Oh good!" Beep said with relief.

He stood there nervously as the pair wolfed down the carbo paste. (It's best to just gulp it down. It's easier that way.)

"Here's your… um… your dust..." Beep said, clearly discomfited. "I didn't know how you consumed it, so I just brought it."

"We usually smoke it," Alan said, "We… um… yeah… we usually use metal pipes. Can… can we get some metal pipe fittings about… this long..."

He held out his hands about a convenient club's length apart.

"Oh, I don't know..." Beep said nervously, "I need to ask the captain about that."

"Maybe we could go to the kitchen?" Grace asked, "I can use a sharp knife to slice it into a fine powder, and we can consume it that way."

"Oh, the cook would NOT like that," Beep said. "He doesn't like anyone in there. Let me go see what I can do."

Beep departed.

"Well, it was worth a shot," Alan shrugged.

The door opened about half an hour later, and Beep and another worm dressed in a worn and tattered uniform of some sort wiggled in.

"Hello," the other worm said pleasantly, "I am Captain Vexp, and I preside over this garden of rejected produce."

"Hey," Alan replied.

"I understand you need to smoke your dust?" the captain asked.

"That's how we normally do it," Grace replied.

"We were told nothing about that when you were purchased," the captain said, glaring at Beep.

"I don't know what to tell you, Cap," Alan shrugged.

The captain pulled out a clay tube.

"We also smoke certain substances," the captain said, "This was confiscated from one of my crew. It hasn't been used, so there is no concern about contamination. Will this suffice?"

"Yep," Grace said as she accepted the tube. "That will work just fine."

The captain also produced a short rod with a single button.

"This is what we use to produce a small amount of flame. I'm afraid I can't let you keep it, but Beep will carry it at all times, won't you Beep?"

"Yes, Captain."

Alan wasted no time packing the small tube and igniting it. He drew heavily on it and then passed it to Grace.

They were both surprised at how well it worked. It was a damn good little pipe!

As they both sighed happily, the Captain widened his mouth and licked the rim in what they considered a smile.

"Now that you are in a less agitated state," he said, "I will explain how things work around here. Yes, we purchased you as slaves. However, we do not keep slaves permanently. Your purchase price has been recorded, and your pay will be applied to that balance. Once you have reimbursed us, your bond will be ended, and you will be freed. We dislike doing this, but we are in desperate need of labor, especially skilled labor, which I understand you two may very well be. Those skills will determine your pay, and considering your price, you two may be free in a very short period of time. If you accept these conditions, your collars will be removed, and you will be as free to move about as any other member of the crew. You will be treated no differently than myself or anyone else, and your working hours and conditions will be the same as ours. Once we return to our planet, you will be given basic housing and access to basic rations. Should you choose, you can withdraw part of your wages to buy better housing, better food, or anything else you want if it is available, but those wages will not be applied to your bond."

"And if we don't agree to the terms?" Alan asked dubiously.

"Then we will sell you," the captain replied, "We hate doing that, but we have to recover our costs and do not have the resources to guard forced labor nor the desire to do so. We aren't a… wealthy… people, and while we detest slavery at a fundamental level, we have had to make certain… concessions… in order to survive as a people."

"Believe it or not," Grace said truthfully, "We totally get it. Shit went sideways for your guys, huh?"

"If you mean that we encountered adversity that we may never recover from," the captain replied, "then, yes. Shit went sideways in a most extreme fashion."

"So you offer either indentured servitude to you with the promise of good conditions and eventual freedom, or we get passed to whatever slaver you come across next."

"Yes," the captain replied.

"Not much of a choice," Grace said. "What's to keep us from accepting your terms and then just escaping. We've done it before, you know."

"Yes," the captain replied, "and it was reflected in your purchase price, which will significantly reduce your term. The big reason is that there really isn't anywhere to run where we are going. Getting off the ship will be nearly impossible since all bonded workers are secured whenever we are at port, and the world we now call home is only marginally habitable at best. You won't survive out there for long."

The captain paused.

"And, to be honest, you would be hard pressed to find better working conditions even as free beings. Your housing will be safe and comfortable, and rations, even the free ones, will be nutritious and as palatable as possible. Your working hours will be reasonable, and the conditions will be safe. In fact, many choose to remain with us as free workers after their terms end. Let's face it. If someone is sold as a slave, most do not have anywhere to go. We can offer someone a stable, happy, and productive life. Usually, the only ones that do leave are the ones who have family out there somewhere waiting. Oh, if you do have family, we will happily allow them to purchase your bond at the exact price we paid… Do you have any family looking for you?"

"NO!" the pair exclaimed in unison.

The captain smiled.

"Well, if someone is not looking for you, they certainly won't find you where we are going… And if you are as well educated and skilled as Beep here insists that you are, we would be foolish to have you 'slaving' away picking through scrap, wouldn't we?"

Grace and Alan looked at each other meaningfully.

They nodded.

"Alright," Alan said, "we accept the terms. If it is what you claim it is, then it sounds like it might be what we were looking for when we went to the Asscrack in the first place."

"Ass… crack?"

"It's what we call this area of space," Grace replied.

The captain hooted with laughter.

"I am going to use that," he snortchortled, "even if we don't have those."

He pulled out the control for their collars and pressed a switch causing the collars to unlock and fall off.

"Welcome aboard," he said. "Beep here will help you while we get you set up and figure out how to best utilize you. The more valuable you are, the higher your pay and the shorter your term… and the harder we will try to recruit you properly. We don't have much, but we share it generously with valuable employees. We are all brothers, sisters, and others in misfortune."

Grace took a long drag on the pipe and handed it over to Alan.

"As long as the conditions don't suck," she smiled, "and we actually disappear, we might get along famously."

"Then we will get along famously," the captain "smiled" as he departed.

After Beep and the Captain left, Grace slugged Alan in the arm... hard.

"What was that for?" Alan demanded.

"For pissing on me, asshole!"

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