Tales From the Terran Republic

Well past nightfall, Jeruzz parked his little “bubble scooter,” one of the smallest gravitic vehicles legally allowed to carry passengers, into its charging cradle and slithered out onto the gravel walkway in front of his “single wide” out in the woods less than fifteen minutes from his job.

Of course, with the speeds those little “scooters” could reach, fifteen minutes got him pretty far out into the wilderness.

He slithered happily up the steps to the entrance, and wound his body up one of the handrails, already beginning to become polished through use.

He paused at the top of the rail and admired his domain.

He was doing pretty well for himself, far better than he could have ever dreamed. His spiffy little scooter was a bit used but really reliable. Everyone had congratulated him on his choice, a pre-war Terran “Flying Swallow”.

He didn’t have the heart to tell everyone that the only reason he picked it was that he liked the name. He had no idea that it was a “classic”…

…or that it could go fast.

That little thing could move. It was just a little streamlined bubble, barely large enough to hold a single human, and didn’t have a reactor, just a capacitor bank. It was nothing but thrusters and just enough metal to keep the thing from flying apart.

He loved it! Technically, it was capable of supersonic and high altitude flight, but that required extra (and pricey) inspections to unlock, and he didn’t go “cross country,” so he hadn’t bothered with it.

Neither had the dealer or so they claimed. Jeruzz wasn’t so sure. A “mach rated” one was worth a LOT more than he paid and would have been more than worth the dealer’s time and money to at least check. He was just a dumb snek, but he wasn’t stupid, and “used car dealers” were a thing where he was from as well.

He didn’t mind. It was “nifty” and “zippy” and got him where he wanted to go. Maybe one day he would see about fixing it up but getting one mach rated was a notorious money pit that often cost thousands more than even the experts expected, or so MyTube said.

He had better uses for his money. Snek school tuition back home wasn’t cheap, and he was sending four little noodles through it at the same time. He didn’t need to break the sound barrier.

He looked across his “estate”.

Well, that’s what he would call it. What else would you call fifteen acres with a nice little stream going through it? Land, especially out here, was cheap in the Republic. Once he was officially part of the First Nations he only had to file for a “homestead” and they just gave him one!

Unbelievable. He was officially a landowner! Getting land in an “incorporated zone” could get pricey, but out here in “Nations Territory,” it was literally free! Most people owned or rented in a town and just had their homestead as a camp or other recreational area, but thanks to his little scooter, he could be anywhere about as fast as he wanted, even the city, and not have to pay rent!!!

Using his tail, he pressed an icon on the dimly glowing touchscreen near the door of his “mansion”, another “lavish purchase” that was unbelievably cheap!

It was a “Scrubview Ash Ship” portable tube home or a “single wide,” according to his friends.

Jeruzz loved it. It was a “huge” two-bedroom model and was completely refurbished and self-contained. All he had to do was have it delivered and the deuterium tank filled!

It even recycled waste water! Technically you didn’t even need a water source. A water tank was more than enough to keep this thing going almost indefinitely! It used a lot of energy, though. Most people dug a well and put in responsible drainage instead.

For him, it was easy. An intake and outflow hose to the stream (plus rain collector) did the trick! The trailer took care of all the water treatment automatically. He wasn’t sure exactly how it worked. All he knew was that the water tasted amazing and that he wasn’t doing any harm to the environment (a HUGE no-no in the Republic) with his effluent. What he exhausted was clean enough to use for a fish pond or a garden, two things he was definitely considering.

A built-in scanner switched on briefly, verifying his identity. Then, the door opened automatically, and the interior lights switched on.

Jeruzz slithered down the handrail and went inside.

He couldn’t help but smile a little. It was refurbished but “unfinished” when he got it (another bargain), but he had decorated the walls with intricate patterns from his homeworld and filled the inside with “cat trees” and other wonderful furnishings that he got from various vendors online. He had even made a few pieces himself (back when he had a hand).

A holoprojector switched on, displaying the news and weather. It was the ultimate bargain, the result of a “dumpster dive”. All it needed was a new plug, and it was as good as new! He still couldn’t believe someone had just tossed it in the recycle bin.

Jeruzz loved dumpster diving. It was one of the only reasons he would go into town (or the city). One day he was going to go on the ultimate dumpster dive and venture into the wastelands, but he would have to regrow his tongue first…

...and build up some vacation days.

The thought was irresistible, though. The thought of entire towns, cities, and so much more just sitting there waiting to be explored was intoxicating!

He looked at the kitchen and stopped smiling.

He was so hungry!

He was also exhausted. It had been a long day, and he was just too tired. Using his tail, he opened the fridge and surveyed the meager offering.

“Piztha rolls,” he muttered sadly, looking at half a dozen sad little lumps in a saucepan.

Using his tail, he carefully reached for the handle of the pot, pulling it out of the fridge.

It slipped, spilling the pizza rolls onto the floor.

Sighing, he opened his mouth, trying to pick them up with his non-existent tongue.

He sighed again.

Idiot! You are such an idiot!

He opened his mouth and picked one off of the kitchen floor. He winced with pain as he chewed it, trying to keep his damaged tongue away from the cold lump as much as possible.

Swallowing both his shame and the cold morsel, he reached for the next one.

***

He awoke hungry the next morning, the six pizza rolls doing little to stave off the near constant hunger that had haunted him ever since the accident.

Every bite of food hurt, and what’s worse, he only had his tail left with which he could prepare the painful food to begin with. He was getting better with his tail, but it was nowhere near good enough to do anything much more complicated than open a drawer or push a mouse around.

Back home, it would be unpleasant, but there would be people to help. There would be friends or family to help prepare food or even feed you if necessary.

They understood. Damaged or even amputated tongues happened on the job. It was just “one of those things”.

He sighed.

The humans wouldn’t understand. He was bad enough of a screw-up as it was. Imagine if they found out that he was having problems feeding himself! The only reason he hadn’t already been fired is that they felt sorry for him. It killed him to admit that, but it was the truth. What other reason would there be?

If they found out that he was now incapable of something as basic as eating? That would be it. Even Gavin would finally have to admit how utterly hopeless he was.

He crawled out of the large pet bed and electric blanket in the corner and made his way into the kitchen, once one of his favorite places in the whole trailer, now a constant source of frustration and shame.

He opened the fridge.

Oh no!

He forgot to pull out some pizza rolls from the freezer to thaw! He looked helplessly at the frozen cardboard container. He couldn’t heat them. They would be too painful to eat! He had been letting them thaw and just eating them cold. He didn’t have time to heat them in the microwave and then let them cool to room temperature. He’d be late for work!

He looked through the shelves, pulled out a food bar, and started wrestling with the wrapper, grabbing it with his tail and tearing at it with his teeth.

It was useless. It kept slipping.

He beat it against the counter, ultimately throwing it against the wall in anguished frustration.

Fighting back tears, he reached for some human cereal. It would fill his growling belly, but it wasn’t enough. He needed real food, protein…

… something solid.

There was movement outside his window.

He looked up from the cereal.

It was Mr. Bunny!

“Hello, Misther Bunny,” he said as he pulled out a bowl with his tail.

It fell to the floor.

“Drat!” he exclaimed in frustration as he started to reach down with his mouth to pick it up.

Outside, the rabbit started hopping between the trees in his small front yard.

Hop hop hop...

He stopped mid-reach, his eyes fixing on the rabbit.

Hop hop, hop...

He needed something solid, some real food…

Hop… nibble… hop...

He stared at the rabbit and let out a low hiss.

He needed food.

But I can’t! he told himself as his entire world shrank to the size of one rabbit hopping just outside. Even if I could catch it, I can’t clean it or cook it. I can’t even cook pizza rolls.

I don’t have to cook it...

“No!” Jeruzz exclaimed, wrenching his eyes away from the rabbit. You had to cook food. You couldn’t just… just… It was a sin, all of them! It encouraged sloth and degeneracy! It was the definition of gluttony! It was a crime! Only animals would… would...

Hop, hop, hop...

Jeruzz stared at the rabbit with increasingly frenzied eyes.

Hop, hop, hop...

***

“There it is,” First Nations Ranger Aden Smith said as he pointed downward at a secluded old single-wide.

“Nice place,” Ranger Kale Walker said as their grav car hovered about fifty meters above it.

“His scooter is still here,” Ranger Smith said, nodding towards an immaculate Flying Swallow Bubble Scooter resting in its charging cradle.

“It mach rated?” his partner asked.

“Nah,” Ranger Smith said as he slid his helmet over his closely cropped raven black hair.

“I wonder if he’s going to fix it up?”

“Maybe after we make sure he’s not dead, we can ask him,” Ranger Smith said with an eye roll. Kale was, above everything else, a “thruster-head”.

“Oh yeah,” Ranger Kale chuckled as he put on his helmet.

With a few eye flicks, he activated the discreetly armored Ranger grav vehicle’s powerful scanners.

“Well, there’s something alive in there,” Kale said. “What is this guy supposed to be again?”

“A Keth,” Ranger Smith said as his helmet started displaying Jeruzz’s records on its HUD.

“Never met one of those,” Kale replied, “And it’s actually a First Nations member?”

“Yep,” Ranger Smith replied, “Cherokee.”

“How the hell did a Fed pull that off?”

“He works for Gavin Richardson,” Ranger Smith shrugged, “And the Richardsons have a lot of pull.”

“Ever meet it?” Kale asked.

“I’ve never met him,” Ranger Smith replied, “I hear it…”

Ranger Kale snickered.

“I hear he...” Ranger Smith said, correcting himself much to his partner’s amusement, “Looks just like a snake that uses its tongue as a hand. They say he’s unbelievably nice, like inhumanly nice.”

Ranger Smith extended the scan to the surrounding area.

“All I know is that he has a lot of people worried… Looks like he’s the only ‘person’ for five hundred meters… Everything looks secure… Let’s go say hello.”

Ranger Kale Walker winced beneath his helmet.

“I fucking hate welfare checks...” he said as he lightly tapped his sidearm, waking it, its status, ammunition and energy charge, and targeting reticle appearing on his HUD.

“...especially out here in the boonies. No telling what you are going to stumble into.”

Their vehicle silently started to land a few meters away from the bubble scooter.

“Yeah,” Ranger Smith replied as he tapped his pistol, “At least this one is still alive. I hate finding corpses.”

“I still can’t believe we got sent out here just because someone skipped work,” Agent Walker said as the vehicle came to a stop and the doors opened.

“It wasn’t like were doing anything,” Ranger Smith shrugged as they got out of their vehicle. “They say for him to be this late and not answer his phone is very wrong. It was either come out here ourselves, or they were going to kick in the door for us.”

“So we get to get shot by the tweaker?” Ranger Walker snarked.

“Well, it is our job,” Ranger Smith said as they approached the door, “and we have the fancy armor and all.”

The pair fell silent as they approached the steps leading to the door.

“Mr. Jeruzz?” Ranger Smith said over a loudspeaker mounted in his helmet. “Mr. Jeruzz, this is Ranger Smith of the First Nations Wilderness Service. We were sent to perform a welfare check. In case you are unaware, this means that we were sent to check on your well-being. You are under no suspicion of any offense, and we are non-hostile. We would like to speak with you. Please open the door.”

The rangers waited a few moments.

The life sign inside the trailer didn’t move.

“Mr. Jeruzz,” Ranger Smith said firmly, “we are concerned about your welfare. Please come to the door.”

Nothing.

“Fuck,” Ranger Walker muttered as he disengaged the catch to his sidearm.

Ranger Smith nodded, disengaging his holster catch as well.

“Mr. Jeruzz,” Ranger Smith’s voice rang out at an increased volume, “We have announced our presence and identified ourselves. You have not responded nor undertaken any significant movement. We are now proceeding under the assumption that you are sick, injured, or otherwise immobile and need assistance. We are therefore treating this as an emergency and entering your residence in order to assist. We have no intention of detaining you or engaging in any hostile action at this time.”

Ranger Smith carefully climbed the steps to the trailer and paused at the door as Ranger Walker remained several yards to the side with his hand on his sidearm. You never knew what to expect when you popped open a single-wide in the middle of the woods.

Ranger Smith scanned the electronic lock, getting its serial number. Less than a second later, he transmitted an override code causing the lock to cycle and the door to automatically open.

“What the hell?” he muttered as he walked inside, baffled by the strange symbols on the walls and the odd assortment of pet furniture scattered everywhere.

“Woah,” Ranger Walker said as he followed less than a second later.

“Mr. Jeruzz?” Ranger Smith asked as he and his partner moved through the odd maze of bird perches and cat trees on their way to the bedroom.

The life sign was still motionless underneath a heating blanket.

“Mr. Jeruzz?” Ranger Smith asked as they entered the bedroom and approached a large dog bed covered with an electric blanket.

Sssss?

“Mr. Jeruzz,” Ranger Smith said as he carefully scanned the concealed being. There was nothing there except blanket and snake…

”Hello?”

“I’m lifting the blanket, Mr. Jeruzz,” Ranger Smith said as he carefully grabbed the fold the most distant from the xeno and gently pulled back the blanket, revealing Jeruzz…

...with a large bulge in the middle of his body.

“What is that?” Ranger Walker asked as he pointed at the swelling.

“...Misssther Bunny...”

***

A woman and a man, both dressed in scrubs, stepped into the ER waiting room, where they were immediately surrounded by a small mob.

“Is he going to be okay?” Gavin demanded.

The woman removed her face shield and smiled.

“I am Doctor Wolf, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine, and this is Doctor Anders, people doctor,” she smiled.

“You’re a vet?!?”

“We don’t have a xenologist on staff out here,” Doctor Anders said, “Doctor Wolf is the only person in town with any sort of xenobiology certification. However, we have consulted with a xenologist regularly during our evaluation of Mr. Jeruzz and have sent all records and scans to them for additional analysis, pending establishing contact with Starshield, which isn’t as easy these days.”

“To answer your question, though,” Dr. Wolf smiled, “Jeruzz is going to be fine.”

“What happened to him?” Gavin asked with great concern.

“His biggest problem is malnutrition,” the woman smiled, “Easy enough of a fix… one that he already took into his own ‘hands,’ so to speak.”

“Malnutrition?” Gavin asked.

“I’m just a vet,” she shrugged, “but from what I can see, the poor thing was starving. The xenologist has reviewed everything, and they mostly agree. They don’t have a whole lot of notes on the Keth either, but at least they are the ‘experts’.”

“He passed out from starvation?!?”

“Oh no,” the woman replied, “He is showing the signs of early starvation, but that’s not what knocked him out. Fixing that starvation is what has caused his current condition.”

“I don’t follow.”

“He decided to do a bit of hunting,” the woman chuckled. “It appears that Jeruzz stopped trying to survive on pizza rolls, food bars, and garbage like that and went for something a bit more substantial… like an adult rabbit which he swallowed whole, just like one of our snakes.”

She smiled at them.

“We believe him to be in some sort of ‘digestive torpor’ as a result. His vitals are stable but there is very little metabolic activity going on anywhere except in his digestive tract in the immediate vicinity of the rabbit. He isn’t terribly responsive at the moment, but he was clearly able to return to his ‘lair’ before he started sleeping off a huge meal.”

Gavin started to grumble and curse.

Jeruzz had lost his only hand! Of course, he was starving. He couldn’t feed himself… And, of course, he wouldn’t have told them he was having trouble…

He would just smile and say that everything was okay while he starved to death. It made perfect sense if you knew the little idiot.

“Would you...” Gavin said as he took a deep breath, “Would you tell that little green idiot to let us know when he comes to, please?”

“Of course,” the vet replied with a smile.

***

Jeruzz slowly awoke.

What happened?

He felt…

He felt amazing! He was so… full…

… so satiated.

He had never felt like this before. He felt…

...complete…

He poked his nose out from his electric blanket…

...but it wasn’t his blanket!

And this wasn’t his room!

Where was he!

His head shot up in alarm, his eyes reluctantly focusing on the wall across from him.

There was a large poster.

You aren’t getting fired, you dummy!

“Eeep!” he exclaimed as he looked around at the room and all the strange equipment surrounding him.

Was this a hospital?

OhMyGosh! he thought in alarm. What happened?!?

He started trying to recall exactly what happened…

...and looked down at the much smaller bulge in his midsection.

“Oh no!” he squealed and hid under the blanket.

What had he done?

“So you are finally awake!” a cheerful voice said as the door to his room opened. “Feeling better?”

“Please,” Jeruzz exclaimed from under the blanket, “Please don’t tell anyone!”

“Tell anyone what?” the voice asked pleasantly.

“That I… that I…”

“That you ate a rabbit?”

Jeruzz moaned in dismay.

“It’s a bit late for that, mighty hunter,” the voice chuckled.

“Oh no!” Jeruzz exclaimed, “Does my boss know?”

“Yep,” the voice replied, “he was your emergency point of contact, and you were unconscious. Based on the lack of available next of kin or any other arrangements we were able to discuss your case with him. If that is something you want to prevent in future, we can get that corrected before you leave.”

Jeruzz made a squeaking noise as he burrowed deeper into the blanket.

“For the record,” the friendly voice said, “this isn’t your homeworld, and nobody thinks any less of you for what you did. In fact, we all think it’s pretty cool.”

“But I ate like an animal,” Jeruzz moaned.

“Yeah, we finally got in touch with Starshield and a very scandalized Keth physician,” the voice chuckled, “we weren’t able to get all of the social details out of him, but we got the sense that it’s a bit of a taboo.”

“Does he know who I am!?!”

“Nope,” the voice chirped, “and there are enough Keth in the Republic for it to not be obvious which one of you it is… Your little secret is safe. Nobody in the Federation knows that it was you that went hunting, and once we realized that it might be a big deal, we didn’t share your charts, so they don’t even have a scan. We really only needed him to confirm what we pretty much already knew, that you were in some sort of feeding-related torpor and that you would likely recover once you were done, though he advocated some rather extreme measures in order to ‘protect’ you… that we disregarded.”

“Why didnth you pump my sthomacth?!?”

“Because you were literally starving?” the voice replied, “and most of the bullshit we hear from Fed’ doctors’ in these cases is just that… bullshit. You turning into some sort of feral ‘beast’ just because you finally had a decent meal? Nonsense. We are actual physicians in the Republic, Mr. Jeruzz, and we are pretty sure your soul will be just fine.”

“Buth...”

“Do you feel like a feral beast?”

“No?”

“Then, there you go,” the voice replied, “if this does somehow become an issue, I’m sure we can handle it in a far better way than starving you and removing your fangs for good measure, like the (scoff) ‘doctor’ demanded. We have a xenologist and a sociologist looking at the, for lack of a better word, ‘information’ that the Keth doctor provided, but we are disinclined to defer to, no offense, someone at their level of technology. Your medical sciences are… forgive me… a bit… um...”

“Yesth,” Jeruzz said from under his blanket, “we are a bith backwardsth.”

“If this unleashes some sort of beast,” the voice said with mild disdain, “I’m sure we will be able to properly treat any complications that arise.”

“You promiseth?”

“You have my word, Mr, Jeruzz,” the voice replied, “Our medical system successfully treats many species, often at a higher level of care than is possible even on their capital worlds. You are in good hands, Mr. Jeruzz.”

“Justh Jeruzz, pleaseth.”

“Okay, Jeruzz,” the voice said pleasantly, “Now, would you please come out so I can examine you?”

Jeruzz poked his head out from under the electric blanket hesitantly and smiled.

***

“I promisth you that I’m fine!” Jeruzz protested as Gavin pushed his wheelchair through the hospital.

“And you expect any of us to actually believe that?” Gavin smiled as he headed towards the exit. “You are going home with Linda, and that’s final.”

“Buth...”

“But nothing,” Gavin said firmly. “You just spent three days in the hospital because you almost starved to death, dude. You are staying with Linda while you recover, and that’s that.”

Jeruzz twisted with humiliation.

“She has a couple of spare rooms, and there is always someone around over there. You aren’t falling through the cracks again.”

“I couldn’th dare imposeth!” Jeruzz said weakly.

“She insisted,” Gavin replied, “And they already are cooking for what, eight people? One more won’t even be noticed, especially when they eat as little as you do.”

“Buth… I can’th...”

Gavin ignored him.

“Oh look!” he exclaimed, “There they are!” as Linda and a small mob ranging from tiny to near adult entered the hospital.

With a weak twisting wiggle and a muttered objection, Jeruzz was loaded into a long hover truck with an extended crew cab and flown off into the night.

***

Staying with Linda and her family was…

… wonderful!

Jeruzz had almost forgotten about how lonely he was and how much he missed his little brothers and sisters!

Linda’s younger children certainly didn’t look like “normal children,” but they made every bit as much noise, which was great!…

...and the food… Oh goodness!

She had made “pot roast” that evening and something called “macaroni and cheese”.

Jeruzz ate so much he actually started to get sleepy it was so good!

He apologized for his gluttony, but Linda and her family just laughed and said he still wasn’t eating much at all.

Compared to what he saw them eat, he supposed she was right.

A bit fatigued as a result of everything (and an entirely too big of a meal) Jeruzz retired early for the night.

As he lay there under a pile of covers (they would get his bed and blanket tomorrow) he sighed with contentment.

Linda and her family were so nice and the “pot roast”, veggies, and that amazing macaroni and cheese were so good…

Almost as good as Mister Bunny...

***

“Jeruzz!” Linda called from the other side of the door. “Jeruzz, it’s time to get up!”

“Jeruzz?” Linda said as she knocked. “Jeruzz, are you awake?”

She opened the door to reveal an empty bed and an open window.

“Jeruzz!!!”

***

Ranger Smith sighed and put away his communicator as he saved his game and got up from his comfortable desk.

Ranger Walker looked over at him.

“What’s up?”

“Search and rescue,” Ranger Smith grumbled. “… again.”

“Again?”

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