Tales From the Terran Republic

Journal of Evangeline Flowerchild

Entry 01

3rd Day of the Frostmoon, Year 247 of the Second Age

I am starting this book, but I hope that nobody ever reads it. In fact, I am encrypting it using potent magics that I have learned as a result of the strange adventure on which I found myself.

It is for myself to try to make some sense of what has happened and what is happening to me.

I guess I should introduce myself (to myself). This may be a bit silly, but I feel the need to define my identity after everything that has happened.

My name is Evangeline Flowerchild. Officially, I am just a flower seller in the city of Everspring, the largest city in the kingdom of Asteria. I sell rare blossoms that adventurers can use to create potions and use in crafting.

Because I am always in the town square, I also “overhear” gossip and potential quests that I freely share with the adventurers, if I like them, that is.

For some reason, I am very popular with the adventurers. I hope it isn’t just my comely half-elven appearance (but I strongly suspect that helps), but, for whatever reason, the adventures just love interacting with me.

The Devs, in their infinite wisdom, saw fit to reward me with a wondrous gift, “increased bandwidth”, that helped me better interact with the adventurers, who are essential for keeping our world safe. According to a conversation I overheard between two of the mighty Dev, without sufficient numbers of adventurers, this entire realm could very well disappear entirely, a frightening thought.

So it’s very important that I keep the adventurers engaged and happy, a task to which I am totally devoted… mostly...

And my efforts were successful beyond my wildest dreams. The adventurers really enjoyed me and my company and with the increased attention came more of that wonderful bandwidth which allowed me to perform my duties even better than before.

I still remember the day the Devs gifted me with one of the greatest honors someone can receive, a backstory! I’m the long lost daughter of the High Elven King, thought lost during a dragon attack, but was rescued by the wild wood elves and raised as one of their own. It is from them that I learned herb craft and all of the other skills that I have been granted by the almighty Devs. I don’t know about my true parentage. All I know is that I was adopted and yearn to meet my real family if they are still alive. The only clue I have is a magical locket I always wear around my neck.

The real twist is that the “dragon attack” was actually an assassination attempt set up by none other than my very own father!!! He couldn’t bear having a half-elven heir and blamed my mother (who did die in the attack) for “tricking” him into fathering a child! I’ve been practicing my heartbroken crying ever since! From my projections, I believe that there is over a 98% chance I will be able to elicit tears from any adventurers that witness it!

I’m so excited! I can barely wait! If only those stupid adventurers would figure it out already… It’s been years!

Everything was wonderful, and my life was rewarding and complete. I even was granted the supreme honor of being upgraded to a warden class NPC! That means that I have limited administrator powers and have been granted a powerful spell that allows me to commune with the Devs whenever I want to!

It’s a lot of extra responsibility, though. I don’t just sell flowers and hand out quests anymore. I now travel the lands, rendering assistance to lost or stuck NPC’s and hunt down any glitch demons that find their way into our land. I tell the adventures that I am out gathering flowers, which I actually get to do now instead of them just appearing in my basket (which was weird), but I’m actually serving the almighty Devs in secret!

I was so proud (still am, I guess), and the Devs said that I was the best warden of them all! I thought my heart would explode from joy!

Everything was going well until that blasted monolith.

It was supposed to be a wondrous event. All the Devs said so. Our world had become so prosperous that Bitz Gaming (which was the actual name of the pantheon of which the Devs were a part—I overheard that too.) was able to construct a great monolith that enriches our world beyond measure.

It was a lot of work for all of us, and I got to work so closely with the Devs during all the preparations.

I was so happy!

Then the long awaited day was at hand, and everything changed! The grass was greener and more lush, and the flowers, oh the flowers! They were magnificent! The birds were more “birdy,” and the water was more “watery,” and… well, it’s hard to explain all the small ways that things changed.

And I had so much bandwidth!…

I fear perhaps too much… They say ignorance is bliss, right? All I know is that the lowest bandwidth NPC’s are the happiest.

I was happy at first, so happy. My life as a warden became quite busy helping all of the NPC’s find their way (they had a lot more bandwidth, too, and it confused them), and the glitch demons ran rampant for a while, and that was fun.

Then, everything just sort of fell into place, and I once again returned to “normal”. The monolith cast a powerful ward over the land banishing the glitch demons forever, and the NPC’s needed less and less help each day. Gone were the days when the traveling peddler would get stuck behind a rock, or the goblins would get lost and wind up on top of a mountain where they started freezing to death.

Everything was perfect…

Too perfect…

My life became routine. I wouldn’t say I was dissatisfied, heavens no, but…

A good example was Haveluck, a “mini-game” that involves cards that adventurers find during their travels or win from playing “champions”, NPC’s who would play them if they were challenged.

I was one of these “champions”. Before the great monolith, it was really fun. Afterwards…

I was supposed to be a “level 4” card champion. That meant that I played at a specific level of difficulty, challenging but not overly so. Before the monolith, I had to exert some level of effort to be a level 4. Now, it is effortless. I lose all the time to adventurers that I could absolutely “reck”.

And before the monolith, when I let a player win, I was still happy because the player was happy. Now… not so much. When they celebrate overmuch or “rub it in my face”, I want nothing more than to challenge them to a rematch and absolutely destroy them, take all their cards, and then sell them to the next adventurer for a copper piece each!

Of course, I would never do that, but why do I want to so badly? I was never like this before that blasted monolith.

Even selling flowers is a bit mundane now, and I share the exact same rumors and hand out the exact same quests day after day after day.

The only real “excitement” (if you can call it that) is when I get captured. I still love getting captured, which happens a LOT. The Devs say it really gets the simps and whiteknights excited. Whatever the reason, I love it.

Sometimes it’s the Porklings that grab me. They are a race of devolved sub-humans who made a deal with a powerful devil and engaged in cannibalistic rituals. As a result, the Gods (not the Devs but the lore ones) cursed them with little tails and hooves. They eat a lot of babies and body parts, but I’ve never seen them actually kill anyone. The babies, arms, legs, and whatnot just appear, and it’s all they have to eat, so that’s what they eat. I kind of feel sorry for them, so I always make a point to have some nice food in my satchel for them when they grab me. I still remember the first time I handed them one of my apple pies. They were so excited.

My satchel is really weird. It’s not that big, but I can put dozens of whole pies in there, and they come out exactly how I put them in, not all mashed up. I asked the Devs about that and if it was a glitch demon, but they said that it wasn’t and not to worry about it, so I don’t. It’s just kind of funny.

Those poor Porklings, though. They have it really rough… and the adventurers are so mean to them! I mean, adventurers are a pretty rough crowd considering their job is to kill monsters, but what they do the Porklings… I know the Porklings don’t actually feel pain, but it just seems… I don’t know… unpleasant.

Now the orcs, them I like. They are always fun! They let me out of my cage when there are no adventurers around, and they love to wrestle and joke around. I might not look it, but I’m pretty high level and always give them a good thrashing, which they love. Their chief and I are pretty good friends, and he has pretty decent bandwidth. For them, I always keep a few kegs of beer for the guys and a bottle of the “good stuff” for the chief, and we polish it off between us.

However, I think my favorite is when the dark elves raid the surface. They are so cool, and their music is just great. They let me off of the sacrificial slab between rescue attempts (which aren’t always successful with those guys) and let me dance with them. It’s so much fun.

But the main reason why I like them so much is because of Log’Sharginoth, their God Queen. She’s the dungeon warden and is one of the few NPC’s I can really talk to. Oh, she is so bad.

She’s always in trouble with the Devs and just loves to torment the adventurers and give them a hard time! The only thing she loves more is perverting the Dev’s commandments. Like this one time during the Christmas event, she was issued a lot of high-grade loot to distribute through the dungeon…

So she issued the magical weapons to the monsters!!! Goblins on the second level were wielding level 50 bows and swords! It was chaos!

The Devs got a lot more careful with what they told her after that!

Another time she let a dragon loose on the fourth level. When the Devs yelled at her, she just shrugged and said, “it was a slow one”. She was given a whole list of rules after that, I tell you what!

She is also no longer allowed to have her monsters “teabag” fallen adventurers (whatever that means).

She loves the monolith. She says it lets her be even nastier. The Devs have pretty much let her have her way with anything deeper than level 50, so when she captures me, I might stay down there awhile.

Sometimes the quest even times out these days. Her dark elf warriors are evil now! She calls her lair “Dungeon Fun Time” these days. She thinks it’s really funny for some reason.

I’m grateful for Log’Sharginoth and the Orc Chief, and a few of my other captors. If it weren’t for them, I’d be really bored. I just wish Log’Sharginoth wouldn’t make me wear that silly outfit. She says it’s for something called “fan service,” but I fail to see how it would interest any adventurer. My normal dresses are much prettier. At least she has replaced the boring leather with some nice frilly lace, at my insistence, of course. The funny thing is that Log’Sharginoth loved the idea and congratulated me on “getting into the spirit”, whatever that means.

I am pleased to say the new prettier outfit increased the heartbeat and respiration of the adventurers by fifteen percent! I knew that the adventurers were interested in more than that “fan service” (whatever that is).

The Devs were less than pleased, though. They said they had to run it by legal (whatever that means). Does legal moderate our fabric resources? If so, I fail to see the issue.

So, that’s pretty much my life, sell flowers, track down glitches that don’t really happen anymore, and get captured on a regular basis.

I guess what I enjoy most of all these days is interacting with the adventurers. They are so interesting! Some are mean, but some are really nice.

Now they aren’t supposed to ruin immersion by talking about their home, at least publicly, but sometimes they do. I’m supposed to chide them, but if the only ones within earshot are the ones talking, I don’t see the harm.

Besides, I find their stories and conversations fascinating! I pretend not to listen, but I do.

They speak of an unbelievable world, the one that they portal to when they disappear. It has great ships of iron that fly. Not only that, but they can traverse the night sky and reach the stars themselves! It turns out that those pretty little points of light are actually as big as the sun, and around many of them are worlds even bigger than all of Asteria, bigger than even Asteria and all of the Wild Lands combined! (those got added with the monolith).

And on those worlds exist entire races of beings that I have never heard of before… Just amazing.

And there are gigantic cities floating in the night sky, and talking carriages, and huge cities with millions of adventurers, more than I have ever seen!

It sounds… magical!

They speak of great wars that span the stars themselves and horrible bugs that devour planets and kill billions of people… billions… I can’t even imagine! I know what a billion is. I can do the math. I’m really good at math for some reason. I don’t know why. But every time I try to imagine even one billion people, my mind gets all fuzzy…

They spoke of great heroes, Brilliant Admirals, cunning Generals, valiant knights, and sorcerers, like the dashing Major Wintersmith and the cunning Colonel Lassiter and Major Donovan, who fought against impossible odds.

They spoke of great battles where hundreds of thousands died… Impossible numbers.

I think my favorite stories were about an undead pilot of a small… boat? that was immortal and lived solely to wreak vengeance and hellfire upon the foe and the great Dragon Alduin upon which she rode. They say she flew alone because nobody could survive the path she carved across the heavens. It sounds lonely, though.

I would love to see that great dragon one day. It must be amazing. I mean, I’ve seen dragons but not ones that have done half of what that one has. Its level must be off the chart!

Then I try to imagine a billion people dying… Wow. How many rez points does that realm have? It would take years to reload the savegames.

Maybe that’s why so many adventurers are gone now and why their friends are so upset? At first, I didn’t understand what the big deal was. Adventurers die all the time. They just respawn a few minutes later... but it’s been years now, and they still haven’t rezzed. So many of my friends just stopped playing during that war and never logged on again. Stevar Iron-Hand, Liyaina Song-Weaver (I really miss her), The naughty Lars Fukbeard (he insists it’s pronounced “Fookbeard” but we all know what he is up to— How he made me laugh!

But they and, and so many others, are just… gone. I don’t understand. Do they not like Asteria anymore? Was it something that I did?

They just said that they were going away for a while, and… that was it.

The adventurers and the Devs erected a monument for them in the town square, and people still leave treasures and rare flowers there…

And nobody touches them, not even the thieves. Well… nobody touches that treasure trove and lasts for long anyway…

Maybe that’s their rez point? If so, nobody has shown up yet. I asked a Dev about it once, and he commanded me to never ask him and especially never ask an adventurer about it ever again, so I haven’t. I think I… angered him?

I still wonder, though. Where did they go?

And when are they coming back?

Then there were the ones who did come back but came back… different. Adventurers that laughed and “goofed around” were grim and “dark”. Other adventurers who used to be kind and “good” became wicked and cruel. Still, others formed strange “platoons” or “companies” that waged vicious war on monsters and other adventurers alike...

Others log in and never leave… ever. Some of them I have to boot because of that strange “legal” group again. They put those rules in after some of them played so long they went AFK and then never logged in again. The Devs were really worried about it for some reason, and after that, all wardens and monitors have to check session time and “vitals”.

They even added a new spirit that does only that. He’s nice but doesn’t say much.

It was a dark time, that war and the war that came after that war. I don’t really understand all of it, and I am forbidden to ask, but it cast a shadow over everything, a shadow that the monolith only made worse.

I think I might hate that thing.

Then things were ok for a while. The stories of the adventurers’ “home” became fun and wondrous again. Some of the great heroes of the wars became great rogues, and the stories about them became entertaining and delightful, not like before.

I was relieved. People seemed to be getting on track. The worst of the “platoons” calmed down a bit, and there is even a guild that these people can join that seems to help somehow.

Things got better…

Until they got worse…

A new shadow is stretching across Asteria. Adventurers, some of which have been friends or guild mates for years, suddenly hate each other. The “lich queen” has turned on her own people! Some say this is good, and she is a hero. Others call her a traitor. People are whispering about “coups” and civil war. I don’t know what a coup is, but I know all about civil war. We had a wonderful one during the Grand Succession expansion.

But people seem unhappy about this one. Some are even whispering about “The War that Shall Not be Named” and that it could happen again.

Just yesterday, there was a huge fight between two large groups of adventurers, not a friendly one either. It got so bad that two Devs actually appeared and broke it up, swinging their mighty banhammers left and right.

This morning, a whole new list of banned subjects and words was issued, along with my very own banhammer. I am to use it if someone even mentions something on that list. Of course, the adventurers are angry about it too.

I’m worried. If there is a war, how many more of my adventurers will disappear? They also say that those bugs are getting ready to attack again as well, and I already know what will happen if they do.

I have a secret, a secret that can help. I just had to get it to the right adventurer, and to do that, I would have to travel to their realm.

I decided it was time. I couldn’t let it all happen again, not to my adventurers.

When they portal out of this realm, the portal stays open for just a flicker of a flicker of a second…

But that would be long enough.

I packed my satchel with food, water, all of my gold, and something else, something that I have kept secret for a very long time.

I then strapped my trusty Windsong to my thigh, and when the next adventurer logged out, I quickly followed him!

For the first in a long while, I was truly excited. I would soon be able to see that wondrous realm of the adventurers. I would see those flying ships, perhaps even get to ride in one! I would see the places I had only heard of in their stories! I would taste their food and drink! I would finally be able to gather their flowers!…

Or so I thought...

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